good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
