so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
im having a threesome with these popsicles
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
