If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
you had me at cake vodka
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
