On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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