The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
