And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
