Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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