I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
