I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Randomize
