Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Are my feet made of real feet?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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