sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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