I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
