Midget sex pt 2 tonight
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Life is so much better after having sex.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Randomize
