If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Swine flu is the new snow day.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
