my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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