is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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