my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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