I have demons in me.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
