Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
