Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
