you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
