My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
