can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
