Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Vodka?
Forever.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
