Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Randomize
