I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
