I only kidnapped one of them. chill
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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