Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
