im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
