i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
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