gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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