I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
