i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
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