he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
