i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
