I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
