Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
