In the future we'll all be gay
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
what day is it and did you see me today?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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