Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Randomize
