Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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