Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
