i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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