He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
