That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
