She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
