Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
