dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
