I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
