Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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