I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
