I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
