I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
