No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
