ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
