He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
