the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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