god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
