Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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